Like many of us, I watched The Manosphere Documentary on Netflix. And I honestly struggle to understand that people are shocked. Are you really? Because this is the extreme expression of the everyday bullshit and common attitude we deal with since forever.
My first husband told me when I had a newborn, I was finishing grad school and starting a business that I should also clean the house, with my baby on my hip, like a real woman. He was unemployed at the time. The fucking audacity.
My second husband had me write lists every couple of months of what I contribute to the family. I was raising our kids that I had grown with my body and nourished with my soul, while housing his ass, paying for my kids education and doing 100% of the emotional labor, and trying to work while he built impossible obstacle courses around me to make sure it never went anywhere significant. In our divorce he was whining about having to “help” clean the house. The same man now idolizes Jay Shetty and Jordan Peterson, the palatable and light versions of the ones we saw in the documentary, and uses fancy words to mask his absolute misogyny.
I’m back on the apps to talk to people about my book, and about relationships and how we struggle to connect. I’m trying to have constructive conversations and I am seeing the ratio of awful men about the same as I saw when I was dating. The vast majority are horrible; sexist, entitled and tone deaf. And there are some that are beautiful in their intentions and souls. But they are rare.
We have men in their 50s telling me I need to be patient and empathic towards men. No I fucking don’t. You’re not babies.
We need to talk more about this. Louder. About the casual sexism in the homes, on dates and around our daily life. And we need to shout about the systemic issues that keep the patriarchy alive.
